


A cosmic issue.

by tinymaninatincan



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: 4+1 Things, It's So Cliche, M/M, Post Season 2, i've just wanted to write something with Todd and Dirk making out in as many places as possible, plus my smut is weird but i've tried, sorry in advance, there is a plot in each part... somewhere, what can i say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-09 10:09:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13479249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinymaninatincan/pseuds/tinymaninatincan
Summary: ... Or 4 times the universe cockblocked Todd and Dirk and 1 when it didn't.





	1. The Office.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally have no excuse for this, sorry.

 It’s late afternoon and a warm light pours lazyly through the windows like a golden, cozy waterfall. It is surprising sunny outside for being February, which is a blessing because Seattle has had a whole week of incredibly bad weather.

 Todd and Dirk are by their respectives desks, although only one is actually doing some work. Well, _pretending_  to do it at least.

“If we don’t have all these documents correctly filled by tomorrow, Farah is gonna kill us”, comments Todd, trying to figure out what to write on the next blank space of the formulary (what is the best way to put on the insurance report that they have lost their second car due a murdery robot who tried to chop them in bits with its chainsawed limbs?) while glancing at Dirk of the corner of his eye. The detective is carefreely sprawled on the floor next to his desk, legs up on the chair, and he’s filling his mouth with an apparently unlimited amount of sweets and candies from a very suspicious bag, “And you are gonna choke if you keep eating in that position”.

“Yfo woffy to mafcf, Todf”, Dirk answers with his mouth full of colourful gummies.

Todd raises his head and looks at him directly, arching on eyebrow, half amused, half disgusted.

“What?”

“I saif…” Dirk shallows just before smiling radiantly at Todd, like saying ‘see, I didn’t choke, I’m invulnerable to gravity and I have such a powerful epiglottis’, “I said that you worry too much, Todd. Farah is not going to kill us. She is our friend, and friends do not do that. Plus, bureaucracy, duh, super boring.”

 He extracts another gummy from the bag, but it may not be what he wants because he puts it inside again and starts rummaging on it, like if he hasn’t already enough goodies all over his chest and on the floor.

“Boring or not, your papers aren’t gonna fill themselves. And you can be sure I’m not gonna do your part”, not even that distracts Dirk, who keeps looking for god knows what on the bag with a relentless resolve.

“No? You are a terrible assistant, Todd”, Todd just rolls his eyes while tapping the pen he’s holding against the desk. He observes as Dirk finally finds his target and extracts a round lollipop from the bag, a fond smile pulling at the corners of his mouth when the other gets to open the candy and chimes a victorious ‘aha!'. The contemplation only lasts a few beats, because Todd is the responsible one of the pair and feels the need to guide the hyperactive and now probably hyperglycemic ball of distractions that is Dirk into the right path.

“Should I remember you that the last time you failed to hand Farah your part of the formularies she handcuffed you to your desk until you completed them?”

 The blue ball of candy stops halfway to Dirk’s mouth, his eyes shadowing a little beneath a frown.

“Yes… that was… unpleasant and very degrading.”

 What it was, was hilarious. Todd would deny it until his death, mostly because he’s the only one who found the situation incredible amusing, but seeing Dirk pouting and whining in a childish tone that how was he supposed to write all those things by himself, _please, Farah, let me go_ , had been immensely funny and adorable. And also very effective. Figured, the only thing that could keep Dirk focused more than five minutes on his administrative duty was a pair of cuffs and an extremely stern and more than a bit frightening look from Farah.

But apparently Dirk didn’t learn, and he decides to stay on the floor, sucking the lollipop now with a more worried face.

“Don’t tell me later that I didn’t warn you”, mutters Todd, shaking his head and returning to the diabolic insurance report. But Todd gets it, he hates bureaucracy too, god, how he hates it, he feels like every single letter he writes down crushes a piece of his soul, immense boredom creeping his way into his brain, every second passing looking at the papers making him _almost_  miss the old days, when they were chased by weird, shady cults and evil witches and they didn’t have to fill up any formulary. The agency surprisingly has brought them more peaceful cases, and although they are still being chased around by the weirdest individuals and they end up in mortal situations more times than not, at least it gives them all a bit of reassurance and, well, professionalism. It’s the pay-your-taxes and report-everything part of that professionalism that Todd despises.

 That’s why less than five minutes later he gives up and stops pretending that he knows what he’s writing. Fuck it, there are way more interesting things to do on a lovely afternoon like this than subjugating to the system.

 Things like, for example, study how a tiny ray of sunshine has descomposed itself in a rainbow just over the brass plaque of the office, or how Dirk’s lips circle the candy in an almost entrancing way.

“Anyway,” Todd speaks, rolling his chair a little to the side so he can unashamedly look at his partner better, “where did you get all those sweets? I don’t remember buying them and I thought we were clear about picking free food from strange places.”

 Dirk looks up, an innocent glint on his eyes and the candy protruding against his cheek. Todd notes blue specks when Dirk replies and he represses a laugh when notices that the lollipop is one of those which tints tongues.

“Marcus, do you remember him?, the guy with a very nice golden retriever who thought his house was haunted?, yeah, I’m sure you remember, you felt strongly about him, or better say, against him, why did you dislike him so much?, anyway, he worked on a candy store and he gave me this bag as a thank you for solving his case (who would thought that there were actual ghosts involved, huh?, although they were very polite ghosts). I had them on my desk and today felt a good day to eat them.”

 Todd blinks, almost falling from when he was leaning his chin on his hand.

 Of course he remembers Marcus, he was a quite memorable person, if being a dick and so full of himself that he almost believed to be Adonis himself was something memorable. Todd hadn’t liked him a bit from the very first moment he stepped on their office, all wiggling eyebrows and charming smiles, but Dirk had been interested on the case the moment he saw their client’s dog. Luckily, they ended up solving the thing without much fuss, and Todd liked to think that the universe wanted them to do so because of the poor souls (words used literally here) trapped in the ancient wall clock of Marcus inherited house, and not because of the presountous jerk.

“First of all,” Todd steadies himself on the desk, elbows over it, and points a finger at Dirk, “that case was at least three weeks ago. You shouldn’t eat those things, they could be expired and then you’d get sick”, Dirk looks at him, skeptical, as if he find hard to believe that sweets could make you sick, “Second, yes, I disliked him because he was an arrogant asshole who didn’t want to take a hint”.

 Now is Dirk who arches his eyebrows, at the same time that he pulls out the lollipop from his mouth with a wet sound. Todd tries to not get distracted by that sound, or by how shiny Dirk’s lips were, or by the blue tip of his tongue when he licks them. Damn.

“I don’t have the slightest idea what you are talking about”.

 Todd resists the urge to roll his eyes again, because yes, he believes Dirk to be completely oblivious, his naive nature getting the best of him. Sometimes Todd wonders how Dirk could still be such a gullible and innocent person after all he’s being through; it worries him, a lot, because he knows that this particular trait tends to bring with it way more hurt than benefit, although he'll be lying if he'd said that he doesn't find it deeply endearing too.

“We spent with him two days and most of the time he could only brag about how awesome his inheritance was and how cool his car was and how much time he spent on the gym because a body like his was hard to keep and blah blah blah. And when he was not selling himself, he was flirting bluntly with you”.

That makes Dirk's eyes go all big, his mouth hanging slightly open in a blue rimmed ‘o’. He gets up on his elbows as Todd waits for him to retort.

“I… I think he was just nice. He complimented my jacket.”

“Dirk, he said that your jacket would look nice on his flat’s floor", the sentence had made Todd cringe back then and it does right now. Fine, he wasn't the paragon of best pick up lines, but, c'mon.

“Mmmm, I don't remember that. And anyway, he also liked my british accent.” Todd squirms a little, leaning back on his chair and tapping his fingers in the desk.

“He said… quite a dirty thing about your accent involving a very kinky shit while you were playing with his dog".

“Did he?”

 Now Todd has to laugh because Dirk's face is one for a picture.

“Oh, God, Dirk, how could you be this oblivious. A guy almost only talks to you to flirt and you don't notice at all, you are making me almost feel bad for him,” although maybe Todd shouldn't be talking about not noticing when someone is attracted to you... 

“You’re being ridiculous, Todd”, the detective says, trying to end the conversation by sternly putting the lollipop back in his mouth.

“Ask Farah! She also saw how he kept trying to touch your ass subtly  _multiple_  times. At least until the ghosts appeared and he run away, of course, guess braveness wasn't something he could show off.”

 Dirk licks the candy thoughtfully and then he rolls over himself, letting his legs fall from the chair, and crawls to Todd's desk. Next he half perches on the edge, folding his forearms on it, his chin resting on them.

“Correct me if I'm wrong, what almost certainly I'm not, but I think it’s very possible and more than probably that you are _jealous_.”

And he even dares to smile smugly around the lolipop’s stick.

“Wha-I swear I was not, I’m not! Pffff, that's not…”, Todd stammers, because that's _not_  what was happening there, ok? No, the guy was a prick, that's it, it has absolutely nothing to do with jealousy... Dirk waits a few seconds before reaching over the table, and puts his free hand, the one that is not holding the candy, on top of Todd's twitching one, and almost as a reflex Todd turns it and entwines their fingers. On Dirk's face there is still a smirk, but now it's all soften around the corners.

“You know you don’t have to worry, darling. I'm very much in love with you and not amount of free sweets or golden retrievers can change that.”

 They've been officially dating about a month and a half now. And apparently the change on their relationship was only surprising to, yep, them, the rest of their friends acting mostly relieved that finally,  _finally_  they had “pulled their heads out their asses and faced their disgustingly evident feelings for each other” (in Tina's words). When Todd had realised that “best friend” was a title a bit scarce and inaccurate for describing how he felt about Dirk, the first thing that he had done, obviously, was panicking. Then came the sadness ( _because there is no way Dirk could feel the same, right?_ ), then the dread ( _and although he does, although Dirk reciprocates, Todd isn’t exactly the best example of a boyfriend, he'll end up blowing the whole thing and hurting one of the most important people in the world_ ), then hope ( _but Dirk is a bit of a mess too, right?, maybe it could work, maybe they could be messes together, they already complemented each other on so many ways, this could be just another step on their relationship_ ), and lastly, pretended indifference ( _it is ok, he can live with all these feelings trapped on his chest until time made them go away, he definitely is an expert on the fake-it-til-you-make-it thing, and that way nothing needs to change and everything would be still fine, no risks taken, no awful possibilities where he hurt Dirk or where the sweet brit isn’t by his side)_.

 Of course, every perfected plan Todd had went to shit just a few weeks later,  when they were eating ice cream on a nearby park, Dirk’s chin, nose and even a cheek covered in vanilla and chocolate cream, and Todd just couldn’t, he just couldn’t _not_  kiss his stupid face.

 Fortunately, after that (including Todd discovering that, yes, Dirk reciprocated the feelings, and, oh, he had been pinning after him way more longer than Todd, and, naturally, he hadn’t done anything about them neither because he feared it made their friendship awkward or worse) hardly anything changed in their dynamic, apart from the fact that now they hug and hold hands and kiss and can touch each other more than before, which was undoubtedly a win.

“I know, Dirk, I wasn't doubting you at all. It’s not that, I trust you. I just… I didn’t like how he looked at you, though you were completely unaware. He was rude and pushy, even though you were not giving any signal to being interested on playing his game”, Todd’s face contorts into a grim expression, his fingers softly knocking on Dirk’s knuckles, “And I think he’s a twat but that’s just my opinion, you are completely free to be friends with whoever you want.”

 Dirk does this thing which Todd totally loves when he tries to hide his beaming smile, as if he could contain the sun inside a tiny bottle.

“Aren’t you the sweetest boyfriend”, he sings with such a love-struck eyes that Todd blushes a little. When did he get this lucky? Sometimes he can’t believe someone as good as Dirk loves _him_. Amanda teases him relentlessly and says that the british detective has turned him into an incorregible sap, but, well, Todd couldn’t care less. What if he does?

“But”, Todd feels the need to speak after a minute of blatant hand-holding in silence, “if he ever tries anything or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, I’m gonna break his nose.”

 A traitor giggle shakes Dirk curled frame, who extracts the now smaller blue ball from his mouth and uses it to point at Todd.

“I don’t want to be that kind of person,” he starts with a totally fake casual tone, “but he’s almost 6’6’’. And you are, well…”

“Ow!”, Todd lets go Dirk’s hand, snorting as if the comment has hurt his feelings, “Here am I, swearing to protect your honor and your integrity, and you mock my height.”

 Dirk pouts and tries to grab Todd’s hand again.

“I was no mocking you! But as a matter of fact, you are short, Todd, I was just stating the reality, nothing more, and maybe questioning the effectiveness of your plan, because in order to accomplish it, you may have to find something to climb on, or, just maybe set a lower goal, like the gut.”

“You are not making it better, Dirk, if anything, you’ve just worsen it. And, _as a matter of fact_ , you are an asshole. A stupid asshole with a dumb face and a blue tongue.”

“A blue what now?”, Dirk pokes his tongue and tries to look at it, and it is so funny how he squints down that Todd can’t maintain the offended pose much longer and bursts into laughter, “Why is my tongue like _this_? Is this bad, Todd?”

“Yeah, your tongue is probably gonna fall out”.

Big scandalized eyes don’t help Todd stop laughing, on contrary, they throw him in a laughing fit that almost makes him fall from his chair.

“Todd! Don’t joke! If it falls, you would not be able to kiss me more. Do you want that? I certainly do not, I very much appreciate when we kiss.”

“Ok, ok”, at least he has the decendy to dissimulate drying the tears on the corner of his eyes before leaning quickly over the table and catching the lollipop from Dirk’s distracted hand. Dirk pouts a soft ‘hey, that was mine’ that Todd totally ignores as he puts the candy on his mouth, the sweet taste of blueberry and Dirk's salive filling his senses. After a moment, while which he keeps his eyes looked on his boyfriend’s face, he pokes his tongue out for Dirk to see the blue trail on the center of it.

“Oh”, that’s the only thing Dirk says at first, his gaze locked on Todd’s lips, a subtle blush on his cheeks. Then he coughs, trying to recover from probably the same thoughts Todd is been having since the detective opened the damn candy, “I didn’t know it did that. You can give it back to me now, thank you.”

 Todd smirks, licking the sweet once more, because, on this light, Dirk’s hair looks more ginger and soft than ever, and his eyes shine, sea blue bright around the dark of his pupils, and the pink of his lips stands out againts the electric blue that taints their rim and his tongue, and he’s just so, _so_  pretty that Todd thinks it would be a crime if he let the opportunity pass. So he raises one eyebrow, leaning back on the chair with a smug expression on his face.

“You want it? Come here and get it then.”

 Thank god, Dirk takes the hint and Todd hasn’t have to say any more lame lines to get the detective to move. But of course, Dirk being Dirk, he doesn’t take the most logical, easy road, and instead of getting up and surround the desk, he fucking _climbs it_ , his gangly limbs an excited mess which makes him almost trip and fall face first. Luckily, only a few pens and a block of post-its ends up on the floor, and with Dirk finally poorly balanced on his lap, Todd could even think of complaining.

“I’m here now”, the detective states in a whisper, his hands circling Todd’s neck in an attempt of making their position more stable (ok, so maybe trying to fit two grow-up adults sitting together on a cheap chair from Ikea isn’t the best way to do this, but whatever).

“Yeah, I see that”, for his part, Todd secures his free arm, the one who isn’t still holding the lollipop out of Dirk’s reach, firmly around his boyfriend waist.

“Are you going to give me my lollipop back?” Dirk presses softly his nose against Todd’s cheek, his eyes glinting beautifully, a pretty upward curve on his lips.

“Sure.”

 Todd brings the candy near Dirk, but when he’s about to catch it, he intercepts the motion by kissing him. Naturally, Dirk doesn’t protest at all, and soon the sweet is very much forgotten in order to other swetter activities.

 Despite the relatively long length of their romantic status, they have barely, how to put it, they haven't reach yet the third base at all. Sure, they make out (a lot), but it never goes beyond kisses (again, _a lot of them_ ) and sometimes furtive, timid hands below tshirts. Neither of them has feel the need to do so, the slowly rhythm they were building their new dynamic on enough for them both.

 However, now, Todd can feel something building on his lower stomach, bubbling its way up his chest, a feeling that wants _more_. And maybe it is the blueberry and generally sweetness that he can taste on Dirk’s mouth, or the way he clenches at him, both tightly, like if he never wants to let go, and delicately, as if Todd was the most precious thing he ever laid his hands on. Or maybe it’s the lazy afternoon light, or the otherwise boredom, or the thrilling fact that they’re on the office where both of them work. Or…

 Whatever reason is behind this new resolution, Todd decides to listen to it, and that’s why he slides his hands (wait, when has he drop the lollipop?, well, that’s a problem for future-Todd) over Dirk’s lower back, untucking his shirt from the trousers and slipping them under it. His palms making contact with the warm skin makes them both gasp a little on an already breathless kiss.

“Is this okay?”, the smaller of pair asks in a hushed voice, because he need to know if Dirk is on the same page as him.

 And he is, if the way he nods frantically and rapidly pecks the corner of his mouth one, two, three times, then his cheek, his chin and his nose is something to consider.

“Yes, please, it is very, very okay.”

 Todd spends one second to chuckle, and the very next one his lips are all over Dirk’s again. As the kiss deliciously deepens, bright blue flecks entwining with wet pink, soft sighs turning into more elaborated sounds, he blindly rolls the chair they are on a little until Dirk’s back is against the desk. Yep, now they are less likely to topple over and end up on a pile of awkward limbs on the floor.

 Dirk’s fingers tickle on his way up Todd’s neck, tangling themselves on the brown hair at the same time his owner abandons those azure tinted lips to latch at the creamy skin over the detective’s pulse point. Todd is determined to turn it into a wonderful hickey.

“You know…”, Dirk’s voice is faltering a little, tiny gasps morphing into words, “for someone who has just criticized other someone for opening quotation marks ‘very kinky shit’ close quotation marks… you are quite in the pot calling the kettle black situation, if you want us to do _this_  right on our workplace.”

“You want me to stop?” Todd inquires without stopping at all his artwork, his teeth just grazing over the tender skin, a full body shudder shaking the man between his arms.

“Oh, lord, no, never.”

 Todd grins at the same time that his fingers raise a path of goosebumps on their way up Dirk’s back.

“Then you are no better than me.”

 One hickey isn't enough, the purple patch looking way too good and way too lonely on his own, so just for the sake of it and nothing more (ha) Todd starts sucking another one a bit higher, Dirk throwing his head back to give him more space as he slides on hand down his neck and chest.

“And just… just for your information…”, Dirk’s jaw brushes against Todd’s cheekbone when he starts talking _again_ , one minute later, “I have the feeling that we’ve never gonna see Marcus again… not... not that I’m interested anyway, I liked his dog way much more than I liked him.”

 This time Todd stops and looks up, the position a little bit forced due their proximity when he tries to make eye contact with the huge loudmouth that he has as a boyfriend.

“Great… That’s great. Now stop talking about that douchebag while we’re making out or I’ll drop you on the floor.”

“Fair enough”, at least he has the decency of blushing sheepishly before he leans in, using his leverage behind Todd’s head to bring his face near his and kiss him with renewed enthusiasm.

 It’s way too perfect, they should have suspected it. Nothing is easy when their lives are involved, and they should have known that this is no different, the universe messing with them even in no-universe-related matters (at least, no one thinks their sex life is a cosmic issue, but who knows nowadays). That’s why about ten minutes into a rapidly escalating session of making out (open-mouthed kisses, soft moans and mild grinding included), Dirk feels something prickling on the nape of his neck. At first he dismiss it as the remarkable excitement and slight (ok, no, huge) jitters he’s flooding in as he reaches for Todd’s belt, but it feels… different, more like… like one of his hunches. And it is frankly annoying because it is distracting him from Todd’s lips on their way to his clavicle, one hand flat on the middle of his back and the other, who has migrated, cupping the side of his tight, and, generally, from his ultimate goal too: that’s it, open the damn belt with one-handed, given that the other is too busy petting Todd’s brown locks.

 Of course, as always, he ends up yelding at the universe’s wishes, and with an incredible sorrow leans back a little, at least what he’s able to, not that he has a wide range of movement, practically squashed between Todd and the desk as he is (not that he is complaining about the position, not _at all_ ), and turns his head a bit, just the necessary to see what the damn universe wants.

 As it turns, what the universe wants it is to let him know that there is a figure calmy seated on his desk, looking at them with sheer curiosity.

 Obviously, what follows is a high-pitched squeal (from Dirk), a confused yelp (from Todd), a lot of crashing limbs (from both, when they tried to disentangle themselves), and a final thud (when they fail to accomplish the previous action and Dirk ends ups falling from where he has been straddling Todd’s lap into the floor on a very undignified way).

“Oh my god, Dirk, are you ok?” at least Todd still is able to show concern despite the bright, ugly red of shame that is crawling his way up his face.

“Ow”, that’s all the detective says, the blushing on his face not very far away from Todd’s.

“Oh, Dirk, are you ok?” a keen voice repeats from the detective’s desk. Here, sitting with her legs crossed and serenely chewing a gummy bear, is Mona, looking at them with her head tilted to one side like if she was watching a freaking National Geographic documentary.

 Dirk gets to sit upright, wincing a little when he moves his arm, the elbow that impacted against the floor, achy, and then peeks his red face just above the desk.

“Mona!, how… how long have you been t-there?”, he quakes, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. Mona smiles proudly, showing them the candy bag she has retrieved from the floor, as if it was a treasure.

“Just a bit. I was a pen, but I couldn’t eat the little gummy bear as a pen, so I turned into a person!”

“That’s… great, Mona, very good thinking.”

“But”, Todd intercedes, coughing a little. He’s about to stand to give more seriousness to what he’s going to say, but on the last moment reconsiders (and by reconsidering, it means that he realises that maybe displaying the front on his trousers right now isn't the best idea, given the very noticeable bulk in his groin) and stays seated, “you can’t do that.”

 The girl frowns in confusion.

“Eat little gummy bears?”

“No!, no, jesus, that... that is totally fine”, Todd sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He can’t believe this is happening, the situation is going to the top 3 of most embarrassing moments in his fucking life, “I was talking about the sneaking part. I mean, you just… can’t turn into a person and spy on people who don’t know that you are, well, there watching”.

“Why not?”

“It’s…” now he turns to Dirk, nudging his side with his knee, silent demanding a little help to get out their current state, “very rude, right, Dirk?”

“Yes, incredibly rude”.

 Mona doesn’t seem totally convinced, her eyes narrowing a little. Todd and Dirk gulp almost in unison, trying to deflect the fact that, in the first place, they are the ones that shouldn’t have been doing what they were doing in their workplace, where their shapeshifter friend was, information that they completely forgot at the time, how irresponsible.

“Ok, I’ll try...” she agrees a bit uncertain before putting the remains of the gummy bear into her mouth and chewing it.

“Just… don’t do _that_ again,” Todd feels the need to emphasize it one last time. Then he realises something, a cold dread filling on his veins, “And… ehem, what Dirk and I were doing… please, don’t tell Farah”.

 

(Of course, Farah finds out, because she is Farah and she always finds out, not that the huge and very evident recent hickey on Dirk’s neck or the way Todd and him act like a pair of blushing, awkward teenagers are not suspicious enough. Since then, making out on the office was totally banned, at risk of being heavy scolded again and probably having their asses kicked).


	2. The Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for all your comments and kudos, you're the loveliest!!!  
> Second, this chapter was a b*tch to write, and I hated it at first but I think I'm enough content with the final result. It ended up being a bit more nsfw that I planned, but I guess that's not a problem here, he.  
> Hope you like it!

“Man, I’m just saying, you spoil him too much. He’s gonna become one little brat if you keep giving him all these treats.”

“He’s not! I just want him to live in the very best conditions”.

“That cat lives better than me, better than them, even better than the Queen of England,” Tina states, leaving no room for Hobbs to retort, although she turns to Dirk, who is observing his friends’ banter about the sheriff’s cat, Mustard, with an amused face, “No offense to the Queen or England, Dirk.”

 It is the first Friday of the month, and as every first Friday of the month, Tina, Hobbs, Farah, Todd and Dirk have reunited to spend the weekend together. Since the Wendimoor incident, almost seven months ago now, they all have stayed in touch, and when circumstances let them (that’s it, when last three weren’t tangled in bizarre and dangerous cases), they meet and do what normal friends usually do, like going out, visiting things, or binge watching series on Netflix (and only _once_  get arrested by the police… that, though, has been a misunderstanding… more or less).

“None taken”, chimes Dirk, his face lighting in the way it always does when he’s about to tell a funny story about his previous cases before the agency, “Did you know that once I _almost_  met the Queen?”

 Everyone in the table turns to Dirk, half incredulous, half fond, because of course the detective would have almost meet the Queen of England.

“Woah, man, seriously?”, Tina leans over her beer, her braids dangling at the sides of her face. Dirk nods enthusiastically as he leans too.

“Yes!, she was pivotal to one case I have about a stolen crown and I had to meet her to ask her a few questions”, his smile deflates a little and a frown creases his eyebrows, “Sadly, it couldn’t be possible.”

“What happened?”, asks Farah, who is seated between Hobbs and Tina, cautiously lowering her own drink. Dirk face turns all sheepish.

“I sneaked into the Buckingham Palace and waited inside a closet to talk to her. Unfortunately, that day they were celebrating some kind of very important meeting and well, I got caught by the security. Apparently I was going to be arrested for treason but I guess the CIA bailed me out, so I just ended up kicked out and, erm, banned to visit the Palace ever again”.

 Dirk has the most regretful expression ever, but that not prevents for giggles to erupt on the table, Tina’s loud raccoon laugh making some heads from other tables turn to them.

“Why am I not surprised at all?” inquires Todd, who is smiling behind his hand beside Dirk, elbow on the table and a beer loosely cradled on his other hand.

“Hey! I was young and reckless and naive. It was an approach of the matter that I wouldn’t try now that I’m… wiser”, even he doesn't believe at all what he just said.

“Sure, babe”, Todd pats Dirk’s head lightly, and although Dirk wants to pretend he’s affronted, the pet name makes his insides melt and a goofy smile curves his lips. At least, when Todd retreats his hand it doesn’t go to far, and instead of returning to his face, it searches for his own under the table, holding it in the most natural way. Dirk beams, all the nostalgic sorrow rapidly replaced by a warm feeling of deep and utter love.

“You know what is truly young?” Tina says a few moments later with a playful smile on her face, “The night. So we should get the most of it, and I feel like dancing!”

“Wait, you want to party? Now?”

“I always want to party, my dear Farah”.

 And, as it seems, Dirk isn’t the only one who is affected by fond pet names, a subtle blushing crawling up Farah’s cheeks right after Tina speaks. The detective hides his smile on the edge of his glass, glancing sideways in order to catch Todd doing exactly the same, a knowing glint on his blue eyes. He knows here there is something, between Farah and Tina, neither of them acknowledge it yet, but it’s quite obvious even without detective and/or psychic skills. Obvious and extremely cute.

“There are a few clubs a few streets from here”, states Todd, glancing at his phone to check the hour, “They should be already open, we can go there if y’all want”.

“Sounds good to me”, Hobbs agrees, followed by a excited “Me too!” from Dirk. Farah is more reluctant, but she ends up submitting when Tina throws an arm around her shoulders and insists that they’ll have fun.

 So after finishing their drinks, they exit the bar they were in and head to the nightclubs, cold night and warm light from the streetlights escorting them as they animatedly talk about this and that. Dirk couldn’t be happier, surrounded by his friends, living a normal life as normal people for a night, fingers loosely linked to Todd’s while they walk side by side. It's like a dream come true.

 When they arrive the street where the locals are, Dirk uses that link between his hand and his boyfriend’s to drag him in the direction of one particularly bright blue neon sign.

“This one! We have to go to this one!”, he eagerly says as the rest of the group follow.

“Hunch?” almost teases Hobbs, though there is a little hope in his tone, his curiosity for the holistic not dimmed at all even after all the shit with the being a zombie-controlled-by-an-another-dimensional-evil-wizard thing.

“Oh, I just like the name, ‘42th Galaxy’, sounds interesting, don’t you think?, plus, look at the sign, it has a little spaceship on it!”

“It’s an explanation as good as any. Let’s go, team!”, Tina charges against the futurist looking doors without any more preamble, her energetic enthusiasm extremely contagious.

 So contagious that not an hour later they all on the fifth round of shots, of course having fallen in the temptation of playing drunk games. What started as a Never Have I Ever, has unwittingly morphed into a contest of stating random abilities and even more random facts about themselves and toasting with the small glasses filled with mixes of alcohol every single time.

 Dirk’s mind is a little fuzzy by then, but in the nice way, as if it was stuffed with cotton candy. His imperishable fast thoughts have slowed down a bit, which it’s a cool change, but the alcohol is also making a bit harder the already difficult task of concentrating in what he should. He's really trying to focus in what Hobbs is telling, something about having had a mullet for years, the rest of the group chuckling at the mental image of the sheriff with that hairstyle, but Dirk’s brain, the traitor, decides that now is a truly good moment to be super aware of how the side of his thigh glues to Todd’s due to how they are squeezed in one corner of the counter (it’s not extremely late on the night, but the club is quite packed already and finding a spot to sit has been a challenging mission).

 It’s been a little more than a week since the office fiasco (well, a week and three days, not that Dirk has been counting, nope), and truth is they haven’t had time to talk about it or try to, well, continue with what they were doing before they were mortifyingly interrupted, as a new, brand case had fallen into their hands the very same night (yes, sometimes their cases tend to appear themselves at ungodly hours). Dirk would be lying if he said that he’s not been thinking a little about the event. It had been nice, no, more than nice. Sex isn’t something he had given much attention before, sure, he has always been curious, after all, everyone seemed to enjoy it, right? But neither has he found the adequate person to give it a try or really the occasion; not that it bothered him so much.

 With Todd, is different. Everything is different with him.

 And apparently, maybe to compensate the lack of thoughts about the matter through the years, his brain cells decide that right now, in the middle of a very crowded club, in front of his friends, is the best time to reminisce how Todd’s hands had felt all over his back and how his hot breathing ghosted on his skin while he was kissing his neck. It doesn’t help at all the proximity they are forced in now, neither the heat of the neon lights (he's glad he was convinced to leave his jacket at the cloakroom, or he'd be a roasted british detective by now) or the way they change between colors, making Todd’s eyes shine like geodes. Bloody brilliant.

“Dirk, are you okay?” Farah’s voice cuts through his totally inadequate inner battle, startling him. _Please, don’t blush_ , Dirk pleads internally. He blushes (dammit).

“Of course I am okay! I’m more than okay, I’m fantastic! How are you?”, he answers with a too wide smile that tries to hide his embarrassment. Farah looks at him with a confused face, but before she could point that maybe Dirk has had enough of the fancy drinks they’ve been having as shots, Tina gets up, finishing her drink with a gulp.

“Folks, I’m gonna dance now, who’s coming? Dirk?” she’s already grabbing the detective by the wrist, tugging at him to get off the stool he’ seated in. Dirk goes compliant, imitating her and downing his drink with less style, the alcohol burning his throat, making his fingers tingle and his head spin a little.

“I’m not enough drunk to go dancing yet”, says Farah, a bit of a panicked look on her dark eyes, as if the dance floor was some kind of hell with fluorescent lights.

“Yeah, I’m still fine here.”

“Todd? Don’t you wanna dance?” asks Dirk with an exaggerated pout, swaying slowly on his feet. Todd laughs and shakes his head, leaning on the counter.

“Maybe later, Dirk.”

 Dirk doesn’t have time to try to convince his boyfriend to accompany them because Tina shouts something resembling to a “cowards!” and then she’s dragging Dirk away from the group, her tiny frame having absolutely no problem to manhandle him… or should it be womanhandle?... all the way between the people of the crowd. Dirk thinks Tina must be really be eager to dance, but then, when they have reached a relatively less congested space at the dance floor and the deputy turns to face at him with a devilish glint in her eyes, Dirk starts to suspect that maybe he’s fallen into a trap.

“Ok, I’m gonna give you some advices”, she says, loud enough to be heard above the music, but close enough that only Dirk listens to her.

“W-What?”

“C’mon, man, I know what’s going on on that brit, sweet brain of yours”, Tina marks her words by tapping on Dirk forehead with her index, “I have seen how you were looking at Todd back there, I almost could see your pupils dilate.”

 Now Dirk blushes again, and like before, his attempt to play it cool is a complete failure.

“Pfff, i-if my pupils dilated was because it's... it's very dark here, Tina, not... I-I don’t...”, he interrupts himself when his friend passes her arm over his shoulders, making him bend forward due the height difference.

“Hey, don’t get your panties into a twist, sweetie. I wasn’t judging you, and what the hell, it is natural. As I said, the night is young. I just want to help you out so you won’t go home tonight without hooking up with your boyfriend.”

 Truth is Tina seems someone who is pretty experienced on sex issues. Maybe it could be insightful. Surely it won't hurt learning a thing or two, right?

“Fine, I’m listening,” Dirk nods solemnly.

“That’s my boy!”, Tina pats him on the back and then faces him again, her teeth gleaming in different colors as the light changes from purple to blue to pink to orange in synchronization with the beat of the music, “Ok, first, find a cool place to do the hooking. Bathrooms sometimes are fine but normally they are disgusting and you get more chances to be interrupted.”

“Oh, no, I am definitely against being interrupted again”, Tina is going to continue with her rules, but she stops dead on her tracks when she registers that ' _again'_ , and of course she has to ask. Dirk coughs a little, dodging a man with high heels and blue hair that is dancing so enthusiastically that almost bumps into him, “well, mmm, yes, the other day we, Todd and I were kind of… you know, making out on the office and we, uh, were interrupted on the middle of it”.

 The screams that Tina lets out is so loud that it can be heard over the music and some people turn to look at them, Dirk rapidly trying to shush her and only getting a pointy elbow right on his belly as his friend wiggles her eyebrows.

“Oh, god, you are way more naughty than I initially thought, Dirk!”

“Well, I…”

“That’s good, that’s so good, man. You are gonna nail this, I tell you, you'll see”, Dirk is about to point that Tina seems way too invested in being his and Todd matchmaker, but refrains when she raises a finger, silencing him, “Ok, where I was? Oh, yes, the place. That clear?”

“Crystal clear.”

“Nice, then tip number two,” she leans as if she was about to tell Dirk a sacred secret, “the sexy dancing before going to the sexier part. Do you feel confident enough to try twerking?”

“Sure,” Dirk responds quickly, then squints, tilting his head to the side a little, “What’s exactly twerking?”

 Tina reprimes another laugh (she’s having so much fun, that’s evident) and scans the dance floor until her eyes meet the perfect example.

“That’s twerking” she points a couple of women a few feets away, and when Dirk sees, his eyes go all wide, a blush blooming on his cheeks again.

“You want me to do THAT?”

“It’s a bit risky, but I assure you, it’s such a turn on. Not at the beginning of the thing, first you have to be subtle, but after, when you are ready to go full dirty mode. Here,” Tina takes a step back, giving Dirk enough room, “try it, the key is in the hips, loose them.”

 Dirk likes to think he’s not clumsy. Sure, maybe he’s not the most graceful person, but he’s not a completely disaster and he does pretty good given his long, gangly limbs. Of course, that’s only one of those things that one says to oneself to try to hide the hurtful reality. And the reality is that Dirk is clumsy. _Very clumsy_. And watching him twerking is like watching a baby giraffe being electrocuted.

“O-okay, maybe we could try another thing. Yes, don’t… don’t do that”, Tina stops him before he hurts himself, “We should skip this step. Just… if you’re gonna dance, keep it close. You know, stay on his personal space, brush yourself against him, lick your lips, let him know that you are interested. But… I think it would be better if you don’t twerk.”

 Dirk frowns but says nothing; after all Tina is the expert one.

“What’s next then?”

“Next… we make you look like the freaking prohibited fruit. Come here”, she extends her hands and grabs Dirk by the tie, loosening it a bit, the necessary to unbutton the first three buttons of his shirt, leaving at sight way more skin that Dirk is used to reveal. Then she untucks one side of the shirt from the trousers, clacking her tongue, “Now roll up your sleeves, while I…” she charges against his hair, forcing him to bend down again so she can reach it. Dirk feels Tina tousle and comb it as he does what she has ordered, and at some point he hears Tina say something about having the best sex hair ever before she takes a step back to look at him. The almost maniac smile that appears on Tina’s face seems like a pretty good sign, “Oh, man, you look like an irresistible, perfect twink. You are gonna make Toddy-B nut in his pants.”

 Dirk is going to ask what a ‘twink’ is but he feels like he doesn’t want to know anymore new terminology today.

“Thank you, Tina.”

“You are welcome, boy”, she taps playfully Dirk’s cheek, “So, when we return to the table, I’m gonna drag Hobbs and Farah with me, and then you are going to grab Todd and put at practice all this, and you are gonna go and get your brains fucked out”.

 A wave of hot excitement makes Dirk’s mouth go dry, but then the doubt assaults him. As appealing as the idea of getting to continue what Todd and he started at the office is, he can’t help but feeling completely out of his deep. And that makes him… scared.

“W-What if he doesn’t want to… to dance yet?” Tina must feel the fear, because she pinches his cheek encouragingly.

“Make him want to. Be confident. Show him that you know what you are doing even though you don’t.”

 Dirk smiles at that, cheering up considerably. Pretending that he knows what he’s doing without having the slightest idea is one of his most nurtured specialities. He can do this.

“Okay! I’m ready! Shall we go now?”

 But Tina locks her arm with his, preventing him to run to the table.

“No, no. We came here to dance and we are gonna dance. _Then_  we’ll go. Plus, the sweat is gonna be an improvement”, the smirk on her face is like one on a mischievous child, and Dirk can’t help but let himself be infected by her enthusiasm, “C’mon, holistic boy, show me how they dance on the other side of the ocean!”

 And they dance, oh, do they dance. They spin, and turn, and jump, music beating through the massive speakers, colored, stroboscopic lights blinking over them, and Dirk feels alive and so, so drunk with energy.

 And that’s why, half an hour later, when Tina and him head to the counter where their friends are, a layer of sweat glistening on their skin, he feels that the plan is actually going to work out and he’s going to do it. Tina playful slaps his ass and adds a “go get him, tiger!” just before they reach the group, who look at them with cautious eyes, as if they suspected that now they can’t escape the dance floor.

“Let’s go, boring people, it’s time to have real fun!” Tina screams as she grabs both Hobbs and Farah arms, pulling them from their seats. Luckily, this time there is barely resistance, and soon they are disappearing among the crowd, one last complicit wink from the deputy, leaving Todd and Dirk alone. Todd has an entertained expression on his face, although Dirk could swear that he has been staring at the damp skin between his clavicles just a moment ago. Before he says anything and before Dirk’s braveness dilute, the detective takes a step forward, pasting his front to Todd’s side, and reaches for the glass his boyfriend is holding, then downs the remains in one gulp, bending his neck back.

“Let’s dance, darling”, he almost whispers, leaving the vase on the counter and catching Todd’s hand, who now is awestruck, blue eyes glued to that exposed neck. Of course, he agrees immediately, following Dirk to the dance floor without a single complain. Bless Tina, she was just right.

 As they find a spot when they can dance, Dirk thinks proximity isn’t going to be an issue, all the people who are dancing at the rhythm of the music making almost impossible to _not_  be on the others personal space. So, next, yes, the brushing. Dirk sways near Todd and trying to seem casual as he caress his arm, before biting his lip just as Tina said. He tries to copy the way other couples dance, subtle grinding and suggestive positions, but when, five minutes later, looks Todd at the eyes, he finds that his boyfriend is grinning instead of… well, whatever is called the face you do when you are turned on.

“Are you trying to seduce me with a sexy dance?” Todd asks at least, a chuckle at the end of the sentence. Dirk stops dancing, ready to deny it with innocent eyes, but then reconsiders.

“Is it working?”

 Now Todd fully laughs, raising his eyebrows and drawing Dirk close by his waist.

“Well, as a sexy dance, not so much, but you are the cutest when you’re trying.”

“Shit”, Dirk deflates a little, because although now Todd’s hands are on him and their faces are so close that Todd could probably count the freckles on his face, it bugs him that he has failed in being… well, sensual. Maybe he’s not built to be subtle. No, he _definitely_  isn’t subtle. Then why should he be now?, “Mmmm…”

 Todd must sense the change of attitude, because he leans back a little, suspicion on his frown.

“Wha…?”, Dirk doesn’t let him end the question, leaning forward and kissing the words out of him.

 But that’s not the only thing Dirk does to show very evidently how interested he is, as he reaches to his sides and grabs Todd by his wrists, leading his hands from his waist to his lower back and then _lower_ , until the palms of Todd’s hands are just over the curve of Dirk’s ass. He feels Todd inhale sharply on the kiss, and without breaking it, Dirk uses his own hands to grip the other’s jaw, thumbs sliding on the stubble Todd is growing, and then opens his mouth, tongue darting out a little, the tip making contact with Todd’s upper lip, tempting him in chasing it. And the move works, because after another deep breathing Todd tightens his grip on Dirk’s buttocks (and the sound than Dirk makes _isn’t_  a squeal) and as he launches his own tongue into the detective’s mouth.

 It’s slow, and deep, and wet, and so damn perfect, and when the pair breaks apart, they are both more than a little breathless, blush on their cheeks.

“O-okay. _That_  was sexy and very, very hot”, Todd’s voice is low, not yet a grumble but almost. Dirk can’t help but giggle, letting go his boyfriend’s face in order to hug his neck, forearms crossed behind it and noses bumping into each others. Todd thinks how fast Dirk could make him go to amused to inconceivably horny to almost melted by how endearing he was. Someday it will give him a whiplash.

“Did I seduced you?”, Dirk’s tiny, cute teeth glint when he grins goofily. He feels a little more drunk than before, but something tells hims is not alcohol what is burning inside his veins.

“Oh, definitely.”

“Fantastic!” beams the detective with such a bubbly voice that he has to bite down his bottom lip to contain more giggles. Todd’s eyes follow the move, and when he looks up again Dirk can see how _his_ pupils dilate under the neon lights. It is like bloody magic, “hey, Todd?”

“Mm, Dirk?”, they are swinging a little now, completely detached from the music, hugging inside their own personal bubble, Dirk's fingers playing with the hair on Todd's nape, and Todd's thumbs stroking the upper part of Dirk's bum.

“I don’t feel like dancing anymore. Do you want… we can go to…”

“Yes”, the answer is immediate, and the lost of warm when they pull apart is highly compensated when Todd grabs Dirk’s hand and starts guiding them both out of the dance floor, to the back of the club.

 On their way, Dirk catches a glimpse of the rest of his friends, wildly dancing in the middle of the floor. Tina looks up from where she’s spinning a very happy Farah and they both make eye contact, Tina winking and Dirk throwing a thumbs up her way.

 The part of the club where they go is way less crowded and even the music is lower, the lack of bodies grinding into each other making Dirk shiver a little, his own body being accustomed to the warm; now his sweaty shirt clings into his skin, cooling it a bit. At least he knows that the cold won’t last, something burning in his belly as Todd and him approach the bathrooms.

“No, no, not there”, Dirk pulls Todd away from them, on his mind, Tina’s words about being interrupted, and his eyes quickly search for an alternative. A shiny door at the end of the corridor is the answer, and now he’s the one that is dragging Todd towards it.

“That says that is staff only”, points Todd out the sign embedded in the door.

“Pfff, as if that has stopped me before.” Dirk tries the handle and it cedes without problem, the metallic door opening quietly, dim red glimmer coming from the emergency bulb inside. Dirk turns to look at Todd with a smirk on his smug face.

“This is how you get kicked out of palaces”, mumbles Todd when they both cross the doorstep and enter the little store closet, but his voice is more amused than annoyed.

 And he definitely doesn’t complain at all when Dirk closes the door behind them and kiss him with eagerness, so much that Todd trips backwards a little and ends up with his back pressed against the aforementioned door.

“I want you”, the detective mutters between kiss and kiss, his hands holding Todd’s face, his whole body thrumming, “I want you so so much I think I’m going to explode”.

 Certainly Dirk’s suit isn’t the subtleness. But he doesn’t need it. Not at all, his bluntness and straightforward ways more effective than he can imagine. Because Todd is unquestionably turned on. How could he not, having a very enthused boyfriend pressed against him as if he couldn’t stand the thought of not having every inch of their bodies in contact?

 When Todd finally can extract his arms from between them, one of his hand immediately tangles into Dirk’s already messy, damp hair, using the leverage on the soft auburn locks to rearrange their heads angle so the kiss could deepen without their noses getting in the way. As his teeth close over Dirk’s bottom lip, sucking it a little, Dirk’s own hands have gone down, to Todd’s neck and shoulders, and they caress shakily his chest, fingertips covering as much space as they can.

 It’s a little difficult to breath, the kiss and the closeness and the knot on his belly making Dirk feeling even more lightheaded than the previous shots they had, the situation way more exhilarating than any amount of alcohol. And that need, oh, that need of _more_  (more kisses, more contact, mores strokes, more tongue, more, more, more) is driving him mad. Following that insistent tug of urgency and the lack of oxygen, Dirk breaks the kiss, shiny lips from spit, and takes the smallest step back, Todd’s hand falling from his hair to his neck. Dirk can see a worried layer start covering those big, blue-now-red-under-the-light eyes, so before Todd could ask if something is wrong he takes his hands off his chest and moves them to his, letting them quiver over the closed buttons of his shirt. Todd’s realisation comes with a little “oh”, all worry dissipating from his face as he inhales sharply.

 As excited as Dirk is, he can’t help being nervous and, okay, a little bit of scared, the thought of baring himself making all look more real than ever. Because yes, he wants this (lord, how he wants it), but he’s never done anything like this before and the novelty and intimacy of what they are doing, what they are about to do, is momentarily too overwhelming.

 Fortunately, Todd, bless his heart, notices his lapsus and with a warm smile starts rubbing his nape, thumb tracing soothing circles on the muscles there. He doesn’t need to say anything, but the message it’s clear on his face ( _it’s okay, you are okay, don’t panic, I’m here, you don’t have nothing to worry, everything is fine_ ), and Dirk is flooded once again with the immense, infinite love he feels for the person in front of him, the most important one in his entire life.

 Fingers still tremble a little when they find the first knob of Dirk’s shirt, but now there is not doubt in their moves and with resolve they work until all of the buttons are open, revealing an ocean of pale, smooth, mole-spotted skin.

 Dirk swears he hears Todd _actually_  growling, eyes heavy under the red, dim light and the hungriest look on his face he’s ever seen, one that makes him blush. He doesn’t have time to register the hot wave of excitement that returns to drown him in because Todd grabs him by the tie and uses the grip to turn them, the rather loud noise that Dirk sighs less to do with suddenly finding his back pressed against the door and more with Todd’s hands making contact with the skin below his ribs.

 Touch has never been something Dirk understood completely. His years on Blackwing made him equally afraid and starved of it; there, and on the years that followed, almost every time someone touched him it was for hurtful motives. But at the same time, being as lonely as he has been, sometimes he couldn't help but be grateful for even the smallest stimuli. Which was very, very confusing.

 With Todd, it was different. Todd’s touches, although mostly subtle, were always loaded with gentleness and care, hand hovering on Dirk’s lower back when they were bend over a desk, examining a new bizarre clue, a soft caress that pulled a lock of ginger hair out Dirk’s eyes, an unexpected tap on the back of his hand when Todd wanted to attract his attention… they never hurt, on contrary, all of them made Dirk’s body tingle with warm, the feeling lingering on his skin for hours.

 There were no confusion with Todd’s touches, and there is no confusion now: Dirk’s skin is practically begging for more inputs, more strokes on his shoulder blades and all the way down his spine, more wet kisses on his neck and upper chest, more friction between his bare abdomen and the softness of Todd’s t-shirt.

“O-oh, dear”, Dirk can’t help but gasp, his own hands looking for support on Todd’s shoulders, fingers gripping with force the cloth, goosebumps sprouting all over his body when Todd playful bites a especially dark patch of freckles right beside his left nipple.

“This is what you wanted, mmm?” the little shit asks, smirk on his stupid, beautiful face, because he knows, oh, Todd knows that he has the power to turn Dirk into a shivering, whimpering mess with just the smallest acts. Dirk also knows, and to be honest, he’s looking forward to it, so rather than answering with words, he leans in and catch Todd’s lips in a fervent kiss that rapidly turns open-mouthed when Todd resolutely slides his tight between Dirk’s legs, effectively pinning him against the solid door behind him.

 Something is building inside him, something different than anything Dirk has felt before. Something hot, so hot, almost _burning_ , there, right on the center of his belly, and tingling, like thousand of sparkles and electricity (the good kind) running through his cells, from his fingertips to his toes, just on the edge of becoming overwhelming. That something seems unstoppable in its goal to colonice and suffocate every single part of Dirk, already taking control of his hips, which on their own volition grind slowly against Todd’s thigh. The resulting friction between his legs, plus the tiny bites and unashamed kisses Todd is leaving all over his naked skin, hands grasping at his flesh in a somewhat greedy way, make his head spin a little and his vocal cords vibrate in such interesting and new manners. Dirk can feel the blood thrumming, pulsing on his ears, insistently, _thud, thud thud_ … as he dugs his fingers on Todd’s back under the collar of his shirt when a thumb softly brush over his nipple and makes his knees go weak… _thud thud thud,_ when Todd sighs against Dirk's clavicle when the last one licks his earlobe… _thud thud thud_... when both their hips start to synchronize, short, paced little thrusts against each other,  _thud, thud, thud..._

… _thud, thud, THUD!_

 Only, as it is expected, those thuds aren’t Dirk’s pulse beating on his head, but highly inconvenient and almost anxious knocks on the door.

“Dirk? Todd? Boys, are you there?” Tina’s voice comes from outside the room, and now it is completely impossible to ignore the interruption, the setting rapidly cooling, hips stopping and breathing starting to return to a more normal rate.

“Not again, for fucks sake”, Dirk hears a very annoyed Todd grumble against his naked shoulder. Dirk sadly groans, letting his head fall back. He looks at the ceiling, the emergency light hurting his eyes a little as he counts to ten. Lord, he hated the universe right now (because he’s 100% sure that behind the not one, but  _two_  abrupt interruptions, is it, the twat).

“I’m like, super sorry, but I really need to know if you’re there”, Tina sounds really regretful with a tad of hysteria and amounts of bewilderment which is, yep, a weird mix.

“Yes”, finally replies Dirk, voice a little cracked from the vast range of sounds he's been doing just a moment ago, “Yes, Tina, we are here and we were quite busy right now.”

 Dirk swears he catches a giggle from Tina from the other side of the door.

“You did it, man! My little padawan, I proud of you.”

 That makes Todd raise his head from where he was hiding his face and look at Dirk with arched, unimpressed eyebrows that make the detective blush in a very differente way than before.

“Tina, I’m so glad you are proud, and I really appreciate your help and generally presence, but, you know, is there an especial reason why you are here right now?”

“Oh, oh, yes, sorry”, she coughs a little, "We have kind of a situation out here. A… holistic situation”.

“What?”

“Well, apparently the name of the pub, ‘42th Galaxy’, remember?, isn’t only a cool business name. And now there are, how do I put it, some type of E.T.s on the dance floor? And they are kind of looking for you? So it would super cool if you talked to them because they had threatened to disintegrate the DJ and that’s not nice, man. Sorry!”

 Of course, aliens. That’s what you got, universe? Fucking aliens.

 

(As it turned, the club was a habitual spot of reunion for extraterrestrial beings and the aliens needed Dirk to find some lost stones to restore the equilibrium on the hyperspace. Surely, Dirk appearing with a wrongly buttoned, skew shirt, hair all disheveled, cheeks still reddened and some love bites peeking from below the collar wasn’t a quite good first impression, but in general it wasn’t a completely disaster of a case and the aliens ended up being very grateful for the agency services. Oh, and no DJs were injured during the case, so it was definitely a win).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing fics for this fandom is never knowing if I'm being too ridiculous or /not/ ridiculous enough. Anyway, hope it wasn't too bad (especially the end, bc aliens? srsly? duh).  
> Thank you for reading and see you soon!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it wasn't horrible. A few things: one, this is the first time I post a multichaptered fic, I want you to know that I have planned the whole thing but as english isn't my first language, it's a slow process; anyhow I'm gonna try my best to bring you a chapter once-twice at week at least. Two, the fic is rated as explicit tho there aren't gonna be very explicit things in all the parts (after all, universe is cockblocking them, duh) BUT chapter 3 (and chapter +1, of course) is more nsfw (yes, i'm motivating you if you are here for the smut, he). And three, positive feedback or general opinions are very much appreciated and definitely would motivate me to write faster!!!   
> That's all, have a nice day, see y'all soon :D


End file.
